In our daily dealings – instant gratification surrounds us and fills us with expectation. Add to that the huge access we have on social media to beautiful people doing wonderful, amazing things and it is easy to fall into the trap of beating ourselves up and falling apart when we hit a few bumps in our project road. What kind of person are you when you hit a bump?

I know the kind of person I would like to be.

My hubby is a bit like this (unless it involves technology going wrong).

When a problem arises I would love to take it in my stride.

Have the faith that a solution will show itself.

Be calm enough to weigh up a variety of solutions and when the time is right, smooth the issue and continue on my way.

That is the person I would like to be.

The problem though is I am what I like to term “a freak bag”. A problem arises and I…well I fall apart. A technical issue, a knowledge gap (I like that term), an assumption of outcome that turns out to be false. Basically whenever a situation arises that stops me from wherever I thought I was heading, I have a tendency to do a variety of the below:

· Beat myself up at how rubbish I am to be in this situation and spend hours on social media looking at other people being amazing.

· Rush solutions – costing me more money that it should or taking me on paths I don’t need and shouldn’t be on – basically wasting time, energy and money.

· Ruminate – over and over and over. Refusing to take a break until I have forced the issue in some way, which typically can make it worse and solves very little.

· Feel an utter failure – and convince myself that no-one else goes through this and that this has happened because I am cursed or ridiculous. I am a cursed ridiculousa.

· Just generally fall apart.

How does the above sound? Anything familiar or do you have more to add to the list of woe?

I don’t think we are entirely to blame. The voice of our culture is very much one of instant perfection and success. There is not much room left for mistakes, hiccups and problems, so our ability to deal with stuff, our resiliency I guess, can be quite low.

In order to stop becoming a problems puddle I have had to change my notion of what a problem is. Problems are going to come no matter what you do. As long as you are on a path where you are doing something that has meaning and joy for you then these obstacles, issues, annoying little bastards are as much a part of your journey as the successes and the highs. You cannot have one without the other, there is no yin without the yang and actually I would argue that the high’s and the successes come from overcoming these obstacles. It is the obstacle that is propelling you forward as much as the win itself– and that is why I see (at least I try, try, try to see) them more as stepping stones.

When an obstacle comes – it means you are growing into new learning. If there were no obstacles, there would be no learning or growth.

When an obstacle comes - it is showing you clearly your direction. It is showing you the path you are on. It is a marker of where you are on your trail.

When an obstacle comes - it means you are still moving forward. There would be no wall, no block if you were just standing still. The obstacle is proof itself that you have made progress.

When an obstacle comes - a breath is going to help better than a meltdown.

I mean, if you need to have a meltdown that is fine too.

But then take your breath.

When an obstacle comes - sit with the knowledge that every amazing person you see smiling on social media has had one too, is having one now and is going to have one in the future. It is not just you.

Ahhh I do feel a little better already.

Do you too?

When I stand a little still in the day or in my studio and really take the time to see where I am at, every gain I have made has come from overcoming a problem, learning a new skill, or rising out of one of my puddles.

When I stand a little still in the day I can see some obstacles that I still need to overcome.

When I stand a little still in the day I am learning to breathe first, and take a little step inch by inch on that stepping stone of a problem, because I remember it is taking me forwards, even if it feels like a step back.

And even if I have a little meltdown on one step before I take another – then that is ok too. Because this is still really where I want to go!

Enjoy your stone stepping this month!