This picture was inspired
by the eye rolling of my children
when a great song comes on the radio.
I feel good,
I sing out the lyrics,
I get a little dance going.
I feel great.
The kids stare at me,
shake their heads.
“Stop it Mum.”
Purely mortified.
“I thought I was going to be a cool mum.”
I once mused.
“Why would you have thought that?”
son responded.
Honestly, I have no idea.
I don’t know how I got like this somedays.
Changes in my body
I look with a scientific fascination.
What is this now – my brain questions –
noticing another alien change in my flesh.
Not just outward changes either.
My brain, my thoughts
so “fuddy, duddy.”
When did this happen too?
That music is too loud.
What is that person wearing?
I don’t think that’s a good idea.
I can’t do that.
Once I said to my husband.
“you know how it is with me driving.”
No – I don’t know, how is it Caroline?
What does that even mean?
What it means is,
I have been living narrowly.
It means I am scared about change, about doing different.
It means I am too stuck in my ways,
arguing with the natural changes of the world.
It means I am getting old.
Older in my spirit,
But forgetting wiser.
How is this linked to the kid’s mortification at my dancing, my singing?
What child isn’t embarrassed by their mum?
I think it’s that I do try.
I try to do a wiggle in life.
But life has got harder somewhere.
Responsibilities have got heavier.
Things more complicated.
SO when I try to give a little, life boogey,
it gets thwarted quickly.
Inside my head.
And out in the world.
The good thing with this.
Is that it wasn’t sitting right.
I was getting fuddy, duddy,
but I wasn’t happy with it.
This means there is hope.
I had too much caring
what people thought.
Taking responsibilities on,
as meaning I had to be a certain way.
That certain way isn’t me.
So I am building myself back up again.
My children are getting older, which helps.
I am caring less about what people think…
Although it isn’t even other people,
it is me judging me.
People are usually really supportive.
It is the us – who are getting in our way.
We just need to figure out what we want and do it.
People like that.
People are inspired by that.
So wiggle I will.
Sing my heart out,
when Pulp comes on the radio.
Sorry kids – I’ll still be there for you –
Just give me these 10 minutes!
Hope you enjoy your bottom boogey this month.
CX