Remembering
to pack my
appreciation
of the
ridiculous
and all the
things
that
make me
belly laugh.
Hello everyone - this was supposed to be my August 1st blog post and what date are we at now... 15th?
Summer is a busy time for the Noisy Boy family and it seems the only way I can stay sane is to put most "grown up" responsibilities to one side and succumb to the pull of summer rather than trying to juggle everything. This leads to mixed feelings of things being wonderful and then overwhelming as grown up life still moves on, piles up and catches up to me.
I have bills that are being paid late, a mountain of work for my husband piling up on my desk, housework being operated at the bare minimum and the sudden realization that I haven't cooked a dinner in 6 weeks. My blog post about humour has also fallen by the wayside, not because I wasn't thinking about it, but because I was finding it hard to find the right words about laughter when I was feeling so stretched with my time. I was out "enjoying" summer with the kids, but equally feeling overwhelming guilt and fear about how much real life stuff was getting missed because I simply can't juggle the two sides.
This guilt was leading to a black cloud coming over me about my inability to cope with things that other people seem to skip through so easily. Why am I finding the idea of shopping so overwhelming? Why can't I juggle working from home with the demands of the children? Why can't my brain successfully split itself into 20 different compartments to make for a successful "whole" life. I am simply just not built for that. I am not a multi-tasker. It makes me insane to be so bitty, but that is of course what life requires. So I pootle along...I live in an amazing place so our summers are easy with swims in all sorts of places, I hustle enough time to get the bulk of what "needs" to be done for my husband, my kids like grilled cheese at least better than they like shopping so they don't complain. I have a hubby who goes above and beyond when he is home to keep things running and so I stay sane enough, calm enough to be ok with a day, without letting the overwhelmed feelings take over completely. But then I try to write a post about laughter and lightening up and it feels wrong, too shallow, too disingenuous for me to complete - it isn't where I am at right now. I am ok, yes, I have my head above water of demands and am functioning pretty well - but I am not carefree, I am not throwing my hair back in laughter of all things - I am inwardly grimacing, striving, working to keep it all together - I don't want someone to now lecture me about finding time for laughter and lightness and I don't want to do it to you either.
That said HOWEVER - laughter may not be given out as a goal, but it is a wonderful surprise in my days. You know that real, gut, point finger, that is FUNNY feeling that happens every so often! My default as you can guess is serious, worried, fixing, anticipating of life and what it wants to throw - I have always been that way - it feels more now just because I have more responsibilities, but as a child I was a worry wart so there is no point in me trying to change her completely - she is me. She is also the reason I see pain in others, I recognize sadness and know when things aren't ok, I can be understanding of other peoples worries and anxieties - because I have them too. Sooo when laughter sweeps over me and over my worries of the moment - it really is a wonderful feeling. My sadness and worries have certainly not subsided this month and I guess that is what I was struggling with in writing this - how can sad, moody inside Caz write about funny and laughing? But that isn't what this needs to be. IT can be just that I have noticed the moments of my laughter more and enjoyed the reprieve they give me from the chatter of doom that spins in my head. I allowed myself to enjoy a silly movie, I watched a stand up comedienne who did an amazing skit on his gig for Mariah Carey's husband, I giggled with a friend about her dealings with her teenage daughter, guffawed as another friend GIF'd me people nodding (a long story) and I watched this video below that brought tears to my eyes with my morning coffee.
A video that will bring tears to your eyes with laughter
We can't all be carefree and ease to laugh people. We can't all aim to "make" that happen for us when it just isn't how we are wired. We can't feel guilty for sometimes looking at life on the negative side just because that is who we are. But we DO laugh at the things that make us laugh - we laugh hard and we hold on to those rare touches of humour in the world because they mean a lot to us, they are our little miracles in darker days, they suspend the worry for just those few minutes, they reassure us that it is ok really even for a short time. So I am holding onto Maevis and George (video above) and all the funny things that life crops up for us - because these moments are important when they come.
Oh and cheer up would ya! Ha!