I put off
nothing,
I wait for
nothing
to be just so,
I jump in
as is,
where is,
enjoying
moments
as I go.
I don’t struggle with perfectionism in the same way that I know some people can. I don’t care (to a worrying degree I think for my husband) – if people see the house in a mess, or see me dressed a mess, or my kids in a mess. I don’t hold a high standard for myself in this regard, BUT I do have a standard of rigid perfectionisn in how a situation should look which holds me back at best and paralyzes me at worst. This month is an interesting shift for us because it is asking us to start fully engaging with the world, to really start a conversation again with living. Not just a toe test either, like we did with "Connected", but a full on leap. Are we ready for this? Deep breaths …let’s go…well in a minute…oh maybe tomorrow I will…oh no!
When we recoiled to our beds our world & our head became smaller and simpler because that was all we could manage. This was a must then for sure – a positive, to avoid falling further downwards, but what now? Now we can feel a shift in ourselves and that place we created is starting to feel more stifling than comforting, limiting than safe. Our head is feeling antsy again because we are ready to fly…but something is still holding us back.
What if we can’t cope?
What if we aren’t ready?
What if we repeat old patterns?
What if we fall hard?
This is scary …I wanna go back to bed!
Stepping out of our comfort zone can be terrifying – we have spent so long working on the comfort – how do we know when we’re really ready to leave the nest?
We don’t really – but that’s ok.
We don’t know what we want to do – but that’s ok too.
Nothing has to be concrete, nothing has to be planned just right, and nothing has to look exactly how we imagine it should. The sign is already there in our antsiness that we are ready to start – the secret is to take it slow, but still go.
What will that mean for you?
My leap is a creative one.
It is taking my work out in the world and letting it be there no matter how nervous I get or fraudulent I feel.
It is sending applications to places and allowing rejection.
It is...
..knowing that what I do is important and makes me happy.
It is allowing things that make me happy into my life.
It is the thrill of seeing people connect to my work.
It is knowing that not everyone will.
It is being ok when things work out.
It is being ok when they don't.
It is practicing hard on seeing the good.
It is shrugging my shoulders at the bad.
It is defining my success by the leap.
It is not focusing on the outcome.
It is choosing my own leaps.
It is not being told to jump.
It is being kind to myself when I get bruised.
It is not berating myself for trying.
It is picturing what I would say to a friend or a child.
It is saying the same to myself.
It is taking myself for tea and a cake when I need treat time.
Yeah...it is still that!
It is being my own encouragement.
It is not being a yelly taskmaster.
It is saying I’m going to try this.
It is not saying I must.
It is having a list of "love to's".
It is mixing these in with the "to do's".
It is leaping facing forward.
It is not sneaking a look to the side to see what others are doing.
It is realizing that everyone feels this way.
It is really ...EVERYONE!
It is knowing that I am rusty at this right now.
It is knowing it is going to get easier.
It is being aware when it is time for rest.
It is not calling myself a failure for taking it.
It is sometimes leaping, holding hands with friends and partners.
It is sometimes leaping alone.
It is sometimes landing with grace.
It is sometimes landing on my butt, with my skirt around my ears while wearing really gnarly underwear.
And sometimes, just sometimes it is no landing at all.
because sometimes, just sometimes it is leaping into flight.
That is what it is for me…but what is it for you?
What small, medium or big leap will you take today?
What one thing can you do today to bring you closer?
Imagine you didn’t have to have look a certain way, have a certain thing, be in that certain place…imagine you could just take a leap anyway and see where it took you.
Scary I know, but pretty exciting too.
Good luck deep breathers.
CX