I just really like the expression “hot mess”.

When I first heard it, I thought – oh that’s me!

That’s totally me.

Well that’s totally me on the inside.

Outside I probably look a lot more together than I am.

I can buy things, pay bills, take my kids places and show up again when they need taking home.

I can plan to get our furnace serviced (not just fixed but serviced – that’s totally togetherness, right?)

I can think ahead, rainy day, do some washing, fix the odd thing, work out who needs what, and pre-empt the odd disaster.

I can do that stuff.

But it’s exhausting.

It is mentally so draining – that there are times you see my hot mess leaking through.

You may see me hide in bed, get frazzled at some filing I can’t find straight away (I pride myself on finding filed bits of paper), maybe I get short tempered with the wrong person. You might see me dropping stuff a lot, tripping, forgetting something, lose my keys (I do that daily). You will definitely see a house that has stuff where everything is in the wrong place.

You might see me sometimes totally together.

You might catch me being a hot mess.

But the best place you will find me – is when I am a happy hot mess.

Happy Hot mess is when I am being totally me.

When I have dropped the social mask – tapped into my happy and am just doing that.

Happy Hot mess is playing in my studio without thinking “will people like it”.

Happy Hot mess is hanging out with friends who I am totally comfortable with and laughing my arse off.

Happy Hot mess – is seeing things in the world or going to places in the world that utterly thrill me.

It’s eating cake in bed and it’s ok.

It’s track pants and top bun and comfy, colourful socks.

It’s doing doodles at night with a cold cuppa tea.

It’s a messy kitchen table with so many projects that I look a bit mad.

It’s the frantic scrawling and tapping at the keyboard when inspiration hits.

It’s when I’m being all of me in just one moment.

It’s when you’re being all of you in just one of yours.

These are the moments of magic in a life – a moment of complete contentment – complete commitment to it all and loving it all if you had to assess it – but you’re not even in that head space.

You are living as you thought you would.

You are feeling as you always thought it would be.

For just those few moments.

Wishing now for you – just a few more of those!

Sending some Happy Hot Mess times to you all.

I wonder what your happy hot mess looks like for you.