February - is all about the space

A need

to breathe,

to think,

to grieve,

and then

to understand.

One of my favourite past times growing up was to sit on my window ledge and look. I suppose I was looking out and looking in – weird kid I know! It is pretty hard to explain to your kid friends too “Sorry, I can’t come out and play because I am looking out my window.” Funny, because now as a “proper” grown up it is still hard to explain to family, friends or life stuff. I have yet to post a Facebook status that reads, Caroline is “sitting and staring”, but sometimes that is exactly what I need.

The words overwhelmed and introverted had not been introduced to me when I was perched there, cozy on my window ledge. Now I have a clearer understanding of what I was doing. I was powering down and catching up on some overdue brain filing. I was basically doing exactly what I needed, to be able to do all the stuff young people need to do. Grown up Caz, doesn’t have quite the same space in her life to do this though and when left too long gets brain fry.

So this month I am looking to prioritize the art of standby, without explanation or guilt. When the time presents itself, I will take it. I will take the space to complete a…thought. The space to be still with the durge in my head. The time to just look outside, without listing my to do’s.

I no longer have a deep window ledge to perch, but I do have a kitchen table that stands just below the garden window. Certain times are quiet at this table; these are the moments I can grab. There are too many circular thoughts that need to be processed and then filed away. The brain has got cluttered and chaotic. Its storage is full which leaves no space for new or exciting ideas.

I am giving myself the space this February month, to process it all. Do you have a look spot too?

January - is all about the rest...

First is
permission
for slumber
and rest.
I am tired
so tired
need time
to refresh.


Whenever I find myself escaping the world (or barking at it), it dawns on me rather late in the day how damn tired I am. Binge watching tv and late nights, persistently poor sleep, busy / hectic days and just a general malaise of my day to day routine are all contributors for me. When we make a conscious effort to take some time off from the race it can be quite the revelation of where and how we are being drained. We all have stuff we need to get done in our lives, that is reality, but those “must” things can get wrapped in a whole lot of drama, worry and frazzle that can be self-induced. Taking some time out to heal from this and be aware of our role in these fatigue feeders can be quite an eye opener.

So our first goal for the year is rest. Admit that we are tired and take the time to recuperate. The “I really should’s” of the day can take a little step back. Rest for you may be as easy as going to bed early, decreasing your caffeine and cancelling an engagement, but I’ll bet it isn’t really as simple as that. A lot of tiredness for me comes from inside my head as well as tiredness in my body.

Imagine taking a rest from the chatter both in life and online, a break from the repetitive stories we keep telling ourselves to understand experiences. Wouldn't it be nice to silence that nagging voice that tells you, you should be doing more, or should be more? If we could take a more mental rest, what space would we have left for more positive flows of energy?

If this starts working for you, build on those energies, save them rather than jumping into stuff too soon. There is plenty of time. If you do have to nag yourself then nag yourself to be a little kinder to yourself, to do a little less and then to do a little less, more. If you catch yourself with a repetitive anxiety or anger – try to let it through you rather than holding onto to it and giving it more energy than you have right now. I don’t think this is going to be easy, making it all the more necessary. How hard is it for you to rest or relax without flitting to something else, or feeling the guilt or sensing a panic set it? I think it will be hard, but I think it will be very interesting too. We are going to get a true awareness of where our time and our energy go in just a few weeks, which gives us the power to control it in the future.

Feeling uncomfortable already with the idea? I know me too, we know ourselves too well hey! We don’t have to be perfect with it – we aren’t going to change over night with our running arounds or our monkey brains, but if we do try to be aware then the change will come. I’m quite sure of it. GOOD LUCK everyone, go forth and enjoy some happy ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ’s and feet up, chill times this month of January. I give you absolute permission!

An Introduction

Hello and welcome to my 2018 project “Journeying out from under the covers…when your world is large and loud.”

Every month I will go through a page of our book or calendar and write a little blurb about it. Although I created this project with my own ideas of what I needed to face a noisy world – I hope some of it will resonate for you too.

The simplicity of the words I have found helpful to use, almost as a mantra, when I find myself in those situations where the theme seems to fit. I used that darn fear one over and over as I lay in the dentist chair waiting for a tooth extraction and am quite sure I will use it again!
I find the words for support hold me up when I miss people and it helps me to focus and remember all those people who support me now or have been my guide.

Each page offers another layer of understanding & support that we can build upon.
As I hide under my duvet, each thought can bring out a toe, a foot, a leg.
Bit by bit we surface.
There is surviving in the world and there is thriving.
My hope is that by December our arms will be outstretched to the landscape with nothing but gratitude for all that has been. This is our completion. We come now with our own knowledge, strength, awareness and a stronger sense of self so the world can't deafen us again.

Thank you so much for visiting, reading, enjoying and venturing on your own journey out from under those covers.
This project is there for you as and when you need! See you on Jan 1st 2018.

December - is all about the crazy (and stopping it!)

This post goes out to people who don’t love Christmas!
Christmas! Christmas! Christmas!
Eggnog, mince pies and joyful carols.
Gift demands and over drinking the Baileys demands.
Forced happiness and tight, raspy breaths
as you look at your list of to dos,
while icing 6,000 cookies for your neighbourhood exchange
& where is that damn elf?
Phew!
This time of year isn’t easy
and it can be extra hard when
it sharpens our focus on the people we miss,
the people who used to be near,
the Christmases we used to have.
The pull of family is so strong
and that can bring it’s own sadness,
stress, and disappointment.


Early December is the perfect time to sit and think.
What does Christmas mean to me?
Now, before you get swooped up in the should’s,
the expectations, the demands,
sit on that comfy armchair and place those feet firmly on the floor.
Ground yourself. Close your eyes. Listen to your thoughts and your answers.
Note the ones that say…at Christmas I like to …,
Not the ones that say…at Christmas I should be, or have to or must…
At Christmas I like to.
You like to what? Write that down. Maybe you have 3 things, maybe more.
It won’t be a lengthy list. It will be the precious things
and it is those precious things that are going to set your mood for the season.
If you are sharing your Christmas with other people (little or big) ask them too.
What is their favourite thing to do? Let them choose a thing to add to your list – is it still looking manageable? Great!!
This is your master list – this is how you decide your future yes’s and no’s.
Is it on the list? Yes – great – check it off?
Is it on the list, no? Sorry no can do this year!
A master list for the season could really help manage the season,
maybe even enjoy it. Ho Ho Ho.

Wishing you all a truly happy holiday!

November - is all about the sleep

I can still remember the first time
I stole some time for a nap.
It was a warm day outside,
I was pregnant with my second child.
Child #1 was out playing with his Dad.
I was tidying up his bedroom
when suddenly his bed called my name.
I slowly lay down.
The window was wide open.
A light breeze drifting through
bringing sounds of happy play.

I’ll just lie down for a minute
my sensible, guilty brain said.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm
my naughty brain murmured.
It felt so nice to hang onto
the stillness of my body.
Outside sounds slipping
further and further away.
Gently I was drifting off.
That beautiful moment
between awake & asleep.
A few seconds of awareness
that felt like heaven.

I go through phases now of nap time stealing.
“I’m just going to fold the laundry.”
Totally nap.
“I might go and have a little read.”
Nap.
My husband suddenly piping up “where is mummy?”
SNORE.
Sometimes life of course does not permit such whimsical loveliness.
Those moments when I can though are pure hmmmmmmm.

See if you can steal away a little time for yourself this month of November.
Feeling guilty? No, understand that you are just balancing out the tiredness from the year and prepping yourself for … well you know what the next month is to come! Dun, Dun Dunnnnnn.
So do it now. Take the rest you need – just a month of mini-hibernation just for you.

October - is all about the escape

The book nook - oh the perfect reading spot!
Set up in a little corner of a quiet room.
Good light, a comfy chair and a blanket to curl up in.
Our very own reading heaven.
I really LOVE to read and sometimes
I really NEED to read.
Those are the times when my head is churning,
mumbling on and on.
My inner voice has nothing kind to say
and my mind is frazzled from the weight.
Icky thoughts on scratched record repeat
and no amount of breathing or calming can shift them forwards.
This is the time I need to override my thoughts,
press the reset button.
I turn to my “go to” book list.
Special books set aside in their own special drawer.
These books give me an inner exhale
just as my hands touch the cover.
Some of these books I love for their words, their story.
Others for their imagery and colours.
They all create a calm in me,
as they take me gently by the hand.
Leading me away from the stress & nonsense of the day,
into their safe world of wisdom and pleasure.
Ahhh my book nook.
And the books that calm me.

Do you have your own stash of “go to” books or authors?
Because this is your month to snuggle up with a good one.

September - is all about the belonging

My little blue house is the place I call home right now with my noisy family.
It is the place I am bringing up my babies, my pets
and working to keep and maintain with my husband.
It is the place that I scrawled, “I love it” on the details
when we first came to view it and the place we sigh,
“I love it” when we come back from a trip.
But my little house is also the place that nags me
into chores and bills and debts and rats and drips and clutter,
on and on to the point that I cry out, "this place is driving me nuts".

Our sense of home is so personal, diverse, and complicated.
We all experience different visions of what home means
and are in different stages of our life’s journey home.
Home encompasses so much more than just the structure of where you live and the details you would find from a realtor’s notes.
It is the where, the who, the how and more.
I wonder if any of us are living our whole definition of home
at any one moment in our lives?
If pressed there is usually something missing
or out of whack whether it is in the bricks and mortar,
a disconnect with surroundings, missing people or missing place.
What I have found, when I take a step back,
is that the sense of home is in the little things
and that finding your place can look like anything.

Home is the place you can walk through the door and shed your outside self.
It is where you feel yourself sinking into complete comfort, wherever that may be.
The place you can talk, and be heard, without uttering a sound.
It is the hug when you definitely needed it.
It is a colour, a view, a warm memory stirred.
A fresh cup of tea poured from your very own pot.
Home is a laugh when your funny friend visits,
or a wave of “hello” when you’re out in your day.
Home can be anything, anything at all.
When you feel truly connected to something you are home.

The fun for this month is finding where this happens for you.

August - is all about the anchoring

I am beyond fortunate to live on Vancouver Island
in a beautiful place called the Cowichan Valley.
We are spoilt in the summer for places to swim
and they are definitely my happy places.
Free entertainment for the kids is parenting gold in my world.
When I lie on my back and dip my ears just under the water level
I can hear only the sounds of my own breath
while I swirl round and round looking at the clouds,
the blue of the sky, the strength of the trees
and the ever stabilizing lines of the mountains that surround us here.

This is my meditation, my blocking of the world’s crazy sounds.
I am the only person in the now just for this very split second.
It anchors me to me for a moment and interrupts the numbness that life can start to instill.
I feel only the light chill of the water on my skin,
I see only the light blue of the sky and the green of the trees.
I hear only my slow, but strong rhythmic breathing.
I am alive, I am here in the right now and it feels good.

I raise my head.
I hear the chatter of the world once more,
but I still have the chill on my skin
and the memories of the sound of my breath
and the light in my eyes.
It is lasting inside me that feeling of being absolutely alive.

I urge you this month to check in with yourself however that happens for you.
What is your quiet, your anchor to you this month of August?

July - is all about the growth

I am in awe of my gardening buddies.
The determination, knowledge, worry and backbreaking work
they put into these beautiful, productive spaces.
And who get’s to benefit?
Often me!
After all their toil, the harvest seasons come and I am the one gifted.
Here come the zucchinis, tomatoes, salad leaves and fresh cut flowers.
My friends don’t hide their gifts away; they share them over and over!
It never ceases to amaze and touch me when these gifts arrive at my door.
But what of us that aren’t gardening whizzes?
Where is it we are working the soil in our lives?

When we pursue any dream we too toil and sweat.
We learn, we care, we work, we wait and yet still we can’t see fruit.
Not yet, not yet!
Close your eyes, picture those roots taking hold.
Growth is happening, it’s just below the surface.
The seeds you planted are pushing through the soil
s-l-o-w-l-y.
You must keep on doing the work.
Focus on the doing, rather than the bounty.
Look closely, is that a shoot, a leaf, a flower?
There are signs, I promise, see if you can spot them.
They will come and they will grow.
Your job is to keep gardening right now.
And when the harvest does finally come?
Share those gifts at your friend’s doors!

Have a wonderful, grubby hands July!
CX

June - is all about the moments

We are a busy lot these days
and the onset of summer is no different.
The nice weather brings so many options of things to do.
The children are coming to the end of their schedules
(which for some reason means there is more to do not less).
And those days are getting longer you know,
look how much you can cram in now!
Arghhhhhh.
Not this year, my friend!
This year we are going to take regular breaks
from this early summer rush, rush
and remember those lazy, hazy days
of the summers we used to have.

Grab an apple and a bag of chips (crisps)
and head on outside if you get a lunch break,
a moment of happily entertained children
or any glorious space of time in your day really.
Actively watch for these tiny snippets of time.
They really do occur.
Grab them with a passion to do
…well to do absolutely nothing if you like.
Be beholden to no one, for just a few minutes.
Lie on a blanket and look at the blue of the sky.
Eat an easy picnic.
Open a few pages of that book you have been waiting to read,
but never got the chance.
Leave the washing up,
that e-mail,
ignore that quick call
to check on that something that can wait.
There is always going to be something to do
the something’s never end.
It is your job to find the moments.
To find them and enjoy them,
without hesitation
or guilt.
Monitor them,
PROTECT them,
savour them.
because...
They are yours and only yours
this month of June!

May - is all about the flying

Ahh…my flying lady.
She pops up quite often, my lady in the sky.
Flying can symbolize so much.
Escape, freedom, thrills and dreams.
We all need a place to fly in our minds.
Sometimes we need to get away from where we are.
Sometimes we need to go somewhere special.
New heights give new perspectives to our ground lives.
Look how small that issue is from way up here.
Soaring across the sky can loosen ties and worries.
It can help us find new growth, new ways of seeing, and new solutions.
Where is she going?
I don’t think she knows and that is ok with her!
This month let your mind fly.
What do you see?
What are you thinking?
What new perspectives come through?
Feel the wind blow around you.
Feel the sunbeams on your skin.
See your world a little smaller.
A little respite from your day-to-day.
A little more time to fly with your dreams.
Where does it take you?
Where is it you like to go?

April - is all about the breathing

April 2nd - Some quiet time will help you make the best decision.

April 21st - When I listen to my own voice everything gets easy.


Who knew that breathing needed to be a thing?
A natural, instinctive, act of survival and yet I need to remind myself on a daily basis to just breathe. The art of breathing has become a mainstay for our home. With an easily, overly excitable noisy boy in the house the power of breath has become our family’s go to. “Do your breathing, take 6 breath’s, Mum I don’t think you’re doing your breathing” (cheeky bugger!). Yes to breathe can become everything for us in that very moment and it can be your own go to when things get too much. To sit and take the time and space to breathe, to catch your breath, to quiet all the noise, the spinning, the stress on your brain can bring you some peace, some quiet and some homegrown inner wisdom. When we are running around we hear so much, we see so much. We know a lot about what outside feels, believes, needs, knows, but we can easily lose track of own minds, our own thoughts, our own needs and stances. We can find ourselves chasing other people’s aspirations and expectations without realizing that they are in fact just that – other peoples! So if you can find the time to quieten the world around you and to sit and listen to your insides, your own voice – now is a great time to start.

March - is all about the Happy!

March is here and I am really looking forward to this. We are getting closer to the beginning of spring and you know what that means? “WINTER will soon be OVER” (proclaimed in celebratory Oprah voice). To get us in a lighter mood, this month is all about doing more of what makes us feel the internal happy dance. We are going to start getting clearer in our minds about what we really enjoy doing and making more space in our day for those things that make us smile!

To help get us started let’s finish these statements:

“I have always wanted to….”

And / or

“I wish I could do more…”

Try to let loose on this. Spend some time really brain storming the practical to the ridiculous and see where there are common threads. Are you already doing a lot of the things that make you happy? If you are then bravo – March is all about embracing that, but if you find that you have a whole list of things that don’t match your day to day, let’s think of some things you can introduce today to make them happen.

This is your month to say yes, yee-haw and yeppers to all of the good stuff and no, no, no to the things that are bringing you down. We are going to spend a whole month focusing on our energy lifters. I know we all have sensible, serious things that have to be done in our lives, but I can definitely think of time that I waste doing things that don’t need to be done, make me mad and swallow up my happy time.

Four whole weeks my friends! To focus on your happy spirit and look at how you can bring more of it into your day. I know right? You are very welcome!!

February - is all about the warmth

Ok so February isn’t many people’s favourite month. By now I think we are all a little jaded with the winter weather and those dark, dark nights. The Christmas spirit has long since departed, yet spring is still so far to go. To help lift our spirits I would like to suggest that this February is going to be all about finding the warmth in our winter and embracing the good things that wintertime still has to offer. One of my favourite things, that I actually miss come summer, is winter food. The comfort that comes from sitting down to a good stew, a Sunday roast and of course a steamy bowl of soup makes my insides smile. Chunky vegetable with pearl barley is one of my favourites with a warm, crusty bun on the side slathered with butter (of course). This February lets try to withhold our winter groans and hunker down to enjoy our searches for warmth. We are going to make a huge batch of our favourite soup, run the bubbliest of baths and we are going to tramp out in the wind, snow and rain so that when we come back with our brain cobwebs swept we can sink into our couches with the wooliest of socks, the fluffiest of blankets and warm our soles & our souls by the fire. Yes February kind of sucks, but we have got this!

January - is all about the moon

And welcome to January 2017!

This is a little check in with anyone out there who is tuned into the "A warm bowl of soup and other cozy comforts for the soul..." 2017 calendar and moon gazing as we speak. There is something so anchoring I find in focusing on the moon at the end of the day. No matter how the day may have gone, to see something so luminous, so magical just before coming in to end of day chores and bed can really help me exhale. There is a whisper of special, a moment of peace - fleeting for sure, but still there. This is what the joy of life is for me - these honest, fleeting moments of wonder. Not holding onto them too tightly, just noticing them, letting them come and then setting them free. The more I catch these moments of time, the more moments of time I see to catch. For someone like me who can sometimes despair at the sadness of things - it is this that can lift me from my slumps. To expect everything, to need for perfection is to just cause yourself more moans, more misery, more unhappiness. To see the moon though - set in the sky of sometimes the brightest stars, the most haunting clouds or the darkest of blacks - for just a few minutes a night? Now that really can give January a whole new edge.

I urge you this month to not pressure yourself to change. I urge you more to just take some minutes in a day to notice, notice those little moments of magic that jump out to you - notice and let them go. There are so many more just around the corner.